PFC Dick Simmons is a liberal jew from After Colony 195. They arrived in-game on 7/24 and currently live in Swaziland.
age: 2 billion 
origins: Red vs. Blue
app link: enjoy this fine app
played by: kiwimonster
Red vs. Blue primarily takes place in the future, spanning across several years before current events in the year 2553. Humanity has reached a point where space travel is realized and full colonization of other planets is no longer a dream. We hurtle light years across the stars effortlessly and while overpopulation is still a problem it doesn't seem like such an issue when their are dozens of worlds out there for us to terraform and inhabit.
Based in the Halo universe, RVB takes places after we have already made contact with the Covenant, a religious-based group that allies several species' in the known galaxy. Unfortunately for humanity, they've decided instead of being friends with us they want to annihilate us entirely.
That's where this all starts. In order to combat the Covenant threat, many groups did everything in their power to come up with a solution. For the UNSC [United Nations Space Command] they fell back on their SPARTAN program to use their super soldiers originally designed to fight insurrection to fight aliens instead. For another group, they went with a less long-term approach to the problem.
Project Freelancer was started by a Dr. Leonard Church. The goal was to use advanced technology to aid soldiers on the field of battle to combat the alien threat. To utilize the powers granted by the technology [invisibility, healing, time distortion, etc.] the members of Project Freelancer had to utilize Artifical Intelligence units to make the proper calculations to control the equipment. Unfortunately according to protocol, Project Freelancer was only permitted to use one smart AI unit copied from the brain of Church himself. Having 49 members of the program and all of them needing AIs to control their equipment, they proceeded to stress out the only AI they had until it broke into pieces. These fragments were then given to the members of the Project and that was supposed to be that.
The Alpha unit, the core of the smart AI the Project had, was sent to a secure location after several rogue Freelancers tried to save him from the torture he was undergoing. He was sent to one of the many simulation outposts around the universe that the Freelancers used for training in real combat situations. These simulation areas are equipped with soldiers who were, plainly put, too incompetent for the actual space marines- or, in Simmons' case, just too slow when it came to filling out the tests themselves. With no real threat there, the Project assumed the Alpha would be safe from further interruption.
These simulation bases are where Simmons is currently located. A member of Red Team in the fictional war of Reds vs. Blues, he has absolutely no idea that his position is just a sham to train 'real' soldiers. In fact, he and several others have mentioned never even hearing of the UNSC which is the main governing force in Halo's universe- which really just further illustrates how disconnected the series is from the video game. They only find out much later that their entire setup is a lie and despite initial shock, they decide to continue on anyway and not let the Project define what they're capable of. Despite living for nearly 8 years across a canyon from the Alpha AI unit, Simmons is largely in the dark about the entire thing. Even with the numerous clues at their disposal- the secret underground lair in the canyon, the fact their command is shared between the Red and Blue teams, all the Freelancers and AI units messing shit up in their canyon- they don't put the pieces together until later.
Somebody needs to suck up to the leader on Red Team and that somebody just so happens to be Simmons. Coming from a long line of right-hand men it seems like he was almost destined to lick Sarge's boots for the rest of eternity. He's quick to leap at the man's every command and even quicker to berate others in the group for not doing the same. Every plan Sarge comes up with is met with words of praise and Simmons' full support, even the crazier ones. Despite his suck-up nature, he does sometimes pipe in to point out some of the more nonsensical parts of any mission, only to get shot down swiftly by Sarge's brand of logic. Simmons can also be typically found muttering under his breath any of his disagreements with their leader, but is quick to to go along with his orders despite his misgivings. He even later on serves under Grif when they transfer bases and Grif becomes a sergeant- proof that as long as you're in command, Simmons will just follow you anywhere.
Despite his second-in-command mentality, it seems like Simmons is more than willing- eager even- to get a promotion so that he can start giving the orders. When in one season Sarge is proclaimed dead, Simmons was quick to assume command of the base despite kissing his ass not even moments before the news arrived. This just further illustrates the fact he's probably only kissing up to get better treatment on the team with rather mixed results.
Since he spends a great deal of his time sucking up to Sarge, he tends to get outrageously jealous when someone manages to fall into his favor. His general competition consists of Grif and Donut, which doesn't usually get in the way of his Sarge-time. There's one person in particular who rubs him the wrong way and sets Simmons off into a jealous rage and that's Caboose from the Blue Team. Sarge's outright fondness for their enemy makes Simmons spitting mad and as such he probably dislikes Caboose the most out of the Blue Team.
Often times Simmons is extremely confused and even outraged by his teammates when they say or suggest things that make absolutely no sense. Often stuck as the voice of reason in any operation with the Red Team, Simmons is burdened with pointing out just how absurd and ridiculous any plan they've managed to come up with actually is. Whenever something really unbelievable or improbable is happening around him, Simmons is frequently the one running around exclaiming just how crazy and senseless that situation is.
Along with being the only reasonable one on Red Team, Simmons is also the "smart" one and the unofficial science chief of the team. He's more than a little nerdy and loves math, physics, comic books, and D&D. He's proven he can program in several computer languages and can explain theoretical physics without breaking a sweat. Still, some of this intelligence is greatly exaggerated. He claims he can multiply any two large numbers together and does when prompted- but gives the wrong answer. Despite being wrong he speaks with enough confidence that people don't tend to question him, and thus he's rarely caught on his bullshit.
Even though his team isn't known for its stellar performance, Simmons does enjoy doing his job. He's probably the only person besides Sarge to keep up regular maintenance on his weapons and is frequently trying to help with repairs on their various vehicles [though whether he's successful in this or not is another issue entirely.] He likes following procedures put in place by upper management and delights in reading rulebooks. Give him some complicated paperwork to fill out and Simmons will probably love you forever. He craves praise for his good work, however, and is easily deterred when his efforts are met with apathy. Since he's pretty quick to give others praise for their own achievements [provided those others are Sarge] he seems to hope his own flowery words will garner some in his direction. It's very rare and Simmons tends to be discouraged more often than not.
Besides all this, Simmons has some very weird psychological issues that crop up from time to time. As previously mentioned he craves verbal praise from others, specifically Sarge, mostly due to not getting enough affection from his father-figure when he was younger. They never go into detail on it but Simmons is so desperate for love from Sarge that he crafts a virtual reality version of him that's actually nice to him. Beyond this, Simmons also has some anger control issues, typically showing when he threatens to kill other people for seemingly mundane reasons. Simmons is also known to punch mirrors when he cries, something mentioned offhandedly by Grif, which means he doesn't deal very well with stress/anger/disappointment or vent it with a healthy outlet.
Simmons is also a coward when things get serious and he doesn't have anyone else to back him up. He freaks out and goes into shock when Lopez and Donut are killed by Agent Washington before his eyes, immediately useless in the situation [not that he would have been able to do anything about it anyway.] He's quick to avoid situations that seem like trouble, like immediately exiting a room he just entered upon hearing someone angry inside of it, and even abandoning teammates in trouble when he sees an opening. He does have his rare moments of concern for those around him but when it comes right down to it, he isn't a very brave man.
He's also a hypocrite sometimes. For example, Simmons has ofidophobia, a fear of snakes, that's progressed enough to make him actively avoid scenarios where snakes might come into the situation. However he's more than happy to make fun of Grif for his fear of bats. Another contradiction is his apparent disregard for Lopez, the only robotic member of Red Team, due to his mechanical status despite the fact Simmons is part cyborg himself. He doesn't really seem to notice his own hypocrisy and probably would simply make some bullshit up for why his thoughts and actions were justified.
Abilities & WeaknessesEdit
He's had extensive military training with the Marines which would be great if he could put any of that training to actual use. He claims to be an expert with rocket launchers- something that hasn't been proven wrong yet [fight against Tex not withstanding- she was using portals the cheating bitch.] At least some of that training had to have stuck with him, though, since he does manage to off some of the Wyoming clones.
He's good with computers, as mentioned earlier, and can program in several languages. He's also moderately capable at hacking computers, proven when he manages to erase all the data on the Blue Army from Command's database.
And if nothing else, Simmons is light on his feet, which is ultimately his most useful skill. He's shown he can run away from danger quickly and can dodge out of the way of most projectiles without too much difficulty.
HAHA relationships. you think simmons actually gets to know people who aren't on a computer.
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